3 August 2020

Escaping Through Bulimia

Escaping was my thing! That’s what I knew! 

That’s what I learned! That's what I heard others did, that's what I tried and that's what wasn't working for me over and over again! 

See, when something is wrong, you know it’s wrong! Every part of you knows! And although we try to run and hide away, repress our emotions or even deny them we still know! 

Bulimia is a means to fast pleasure, and like fast food, it tastes good in the moment but after a very short time when your adrenaline drops and insulin pikes, and digestive system runs crazy, you start realizing the damage! 

And should you insist on having it long enough and regularly enough, your body will start to pay a very high price! 

Same goes for Bulimia Nervosa, your endorphins pike, so does your adrenaline, and your hypothalamus starts telling you all kinds of fake stories " eat!! We can control this!" "There is no way on earth we are going to overindulge" "I mean it doesn’t really matter! It's only todayyyy" "it’s only one bite".  

You surrender to that sneaky voice, only to find yourself drowning in an ocean of guilt & shame! 

"Why did I do that!!" "I am weak" "I am helpless" "everyone is losing weight except for me" "I am ugly" "I am fat" " I have no control" 

And you get into a vicious circle of self-shaming and loathing! Until your mind screams! "Let’s get it out!!!!! " "let’s get rid of it" "I feel so heavy" "my tummy is gonna explode" " it'll be the last time" "tomorrow we start clean!" 

Until again you surrender to this evil yet weak, childish monster residing within. 

And then another wave of shame kicks in " look at you, you cannot keep your promises, you cannot stop yourself from the eating!" "No will power" "look at yourself in the mirror, weak fat and ugly" 

Bulimia is like you being trapped in a prison with someone that hates you the most, and this someone looks exactly like you!" 

And unless you realize that this hate you carry within is a scream for love, you won't be able to heal! 

Yes, a scream for love, an unconditional love you never received as a child! Repressed emotions that go beyond the layers of memories and into the shades of your feelings and recorded emotions! 

People always think about treating Bulimia (which is just a symptom, a scream for attention and love) forgetting that what must be attended to is the child within! 

This is why in my Emotional Mastery workshop people had lots of breakthroughs on their eating disorders and a lot actually managed to lose weight unintentionally!

But as the healing started happening on the inner level, the symptom could only dissipate! 

And as I designed my upcoming course "Heal Your Inner Child" I took into consideration all the suffering eating disordered humans go through! 

But as for today, all I want to say, if you are battling an eating disorder, or already won over won, or are still going back and forth recovering and relapsing, remember! 

The healing path isn't linear! The healing path is more of setbacks and forward stretches! Where u learn the most from those moments u think u lost it all to, only to stand up again fiercer and taller! Showing up for you! And not surrendering or giving up! 

And sometimes, that’s all you need to heal! 

With love! 


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